The World is Not an Apple

I am beginning to hate apples.

Did someone say "an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"
Do you know that the crunchy sound of an apple being eaten is irritating to my ears?
I might just be a bit crankier today than most days, but this has been going on for quite sometime now.
I certainly could not stand it.
How do you bite your apple?
Do you do it with all abandon, not giving second thoughts to the irritating crunchy sound you make when you bite it?
I find it really annoying, specially if it is being done by a girl.
Isn't it more civilized if you bite your apple with more finesse and breeding?

I would prefer that you bite your apple without any sound at all.

Then that would make my world a bit more pleasant.
Then yes the world might just turn out to be an apple after all.
Which is good.